On crying…

I made it through most of the day in one piece but had some rough periods at both ends. My crying jags are less frequent now but longer. I’m hoping that’s a function of processing things in a healthy way, rather than regressing.

I’ve never been much for tears but I used to have a cycle during the harder periods when the ‘sad’ would build up to a point that just had to spill over. The boy and I called it the emotional vomit – something that needed to happen to purge the system now and again. For some reason this only worked when I was curled up in his arms. I think now I’m having to learn to cry without him.

The dog doesn’t work as a surrogate. If he catches me crying he jumps on me, barks, brings me toys, and licks me until I stop. While this does effectively end the tears, it doesn’t have the same therapeutic result.

I made it to the gym again with one of the neighbors today. Exercise is a good thing. I spent the evening chatting with another friend about the boy. There were tears on both sides but it was good to relive happy memories.

Only one MHID conversation today but it was a with a neighbor so one of the harder ones.

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