I am getting used to his absence. The knot in my gut isn’t there all the time. It’s not that I’m less aware that he’s missing, as I do alone the things we did together. The awareness is still there but familiar now and less acute. I can focus for longer periods and I’m making fewer mistakes. I still wake up in the night but I can usually fall back to sleep. I can talk about the boy more easily – even the MHID conversations are less stressful.
It’s starting to getting easier and that worries me because I am afraid the next stage will be forgetting.