Going out last night was helpful in the end. I needed to get out of the silence. Unfortunately word of the boy’s passing had not been passed along so I had to have that conversation again and wasn’t on stable enough ground to get through it intact. Next time will be easier, I think.
Usually rough days are followed by good ones, probably because the tears on the rough days provide an outlet, but today was hard again. I have been on the edge of tears (or over) most of the day. I took myself shopping as a way to get out of the house. Even that turned out to be a challenge – despite not being something we normally did together. Every ‘first time’ for something familiar is painful. I think the problem is that everything reminds me of life before.
Fortunately I had plans for something completely new tonight which proved to be an excellent distraction. I joined a group of friends who have been getting together regularly for an event I hadn’t been to before. It turned out to be just what I needed and I came home feeling steadier. Hoping for a better day tomorrow.